A week gone by...

and fast!

News of the week:
Last weekend we got new pictures of the girls in our email box! The family that took over our care packages took pictures for us of the girls open their packages. They are so sweet! There are several pictures of the 7 year old looking at the pictures we sent with a big smile on her face! I don't know when we might see new pictures again so we will really treasure these.

Yesterday Eliana had a playdate with her friend Joseph.

Last night we went to Pittsburgh to get our vaccinations for the trip. Matt and I both now have sore arms; Matt had a fever last night and still feels crummy today. But, we're as protected as we can be against diseases of all sorts... one step closer to Ethiopia!
We also met a new friend, another adopting Mom, and had dinner at the new Ethiopian restaurant in Pittsburgh. The owner is so nice! He talked to us a bit about our trip and I can definitely see us going back there frequently with the girls.

Otherwise... I don't think there's anything noteworthy going on. Matt and I have both been feeling pretty anxious and crazy lately. There is just so much to do around here and not enough time to get anything done.

Tomorrow we go back to Pittsburgh for a date night! As a Christmas gift Matt got me tickets
to see The Lion King. I'm really excited about that.
Then the next day we have a birthday party in the afternoon followed by the Mardi Gras party that our friends throw every year.
It should be a fun weekend, but again... no time to get anything done. I'm hoping to be super productive Friday through the day and then also on Sunday. I don't care about the Super Bowl so why not clean out closets instead?!


Today I am thankful for my fuzzy bath robe.

Eliana's Special Family Day!

Today we celebrate our first anniversary of Eliana's first Special Family day!
Here's a picture of us in Guatemala this day last year:

We look just a little bit happy, huh?
This was our first day together as an official family!

Last night we went out to dinner to celebrate. We've been trying to remember every detail about that trip to tell Eliana about it. It is hard to believe that a whole year has gone by already! We love our little family so much! Matt and I LOVE being parents and we have such a great time with Eliana every day. It's perfect that we had a whole year with just Eliana so that we all feel very comfortable and settled before bringing two more girls into the family. We are so blessed to be this family!!

Here is some funny video of Eliana playing our dog the other day. E LOVES Alias. Listen to her laughing!

Please ignore dorky-mom-voice and super-messy-cluttered-house and poor videography.
:)

Muchas gracias! Igziyabher yimmesgen! Thank you!

How can we thank all of you?

Julia started a "blog shower" for us on Friday and in just 3 days we received over $1000.
This has been such an amazing gift. Thank you to so many people who posted about it on their blogs. Thank you to those who gave a gift. Thank you to those who sent such kind words of support and encouragement.

This has been such a humbling experience. People are so generous! It is incredible to think that so many people that we have never even met in real life wanted to support us in such a big way. This community of friends, brought together by our blogs about our children, is just incredible. What a beautiful surprise getting to know you all has been.
We also received gifts of money and loving messages from many people that we don't even know in blogland. TOTAL strangers took the time to say a prayer for us or send us a note of support...... it has just been amazing.

Thanks to each of you from the bottom of our hearts.
We are proud to call you friends and anxiously await the time we can do something to help you!

Our family

Ok, so Julia asked me to post a little more info here about our family. I thought I could answer a few other questions people have asked as well.
A brief history lesson:
Matt and I have been married for almost 5 years. We got engaged 5 weeks after our first date and married 6 months to the day after our first date. We are so happy together that it may be a little nauseating to others. Really, there is no one I would rather spend time with, nothing I would rather do without him... we just fit so well together that things don't feel right when we're not together. (vomit, I know)
Our daughter Eliana was born in Guatemala and has been home almost a year now. She is THE light of our life! She was 8 months old when she came to us and is now 19 months old. She has adjusted amazingly well and is a beautiful, sweet, snuggle-bug of a girl.

Back in 2006 when we were waiting for a referral (before we knew about Eliana) we were already interested in possibly adopting from Ethiopia. I am very happy that we chose to pursue an adoption in Guatemala first because I can't imagine life without Eliana. But there has always been something about Ethiopia that attracted us. Before Eliana came home we started talking about when we'd be ready to adopt again and after just a few months as a family of three we started looking at our options again.
We said we wanted to be smart and look at all possible options - the different countries to choose from, the many agencies, etc. We did all of that - a ton of research. But we kept coming back to Ethiopia. Something about it kept bringing us back. I think in the back of my mind I knew that's what we would decide, we just had to do all of our homework to know we'd made a smart decision, not just a heart decision.
We have felt totally comfortable and excited since we made the decision to go to Ethiopia. There is so much interesting history to learn about and we love the idea of incorporating as much of their culture as we can into our lives.
We knew that we wanted to adopt 2 siblings this time. I love the idea of being able to help keep some original family intact. We also knew that we were open to the idea of a little bit older child. Again, we did a lot of homework, trying to decide up to what age did we feel capable of parenting. Initially we said we'd like to adopt 2 kids, either gender up to age 4. Then we read a little bit more about waiting older children. Melissa Faye Green's book 'There is No Me Without You' really made us think deeply about what it would be like to see all of the cute little babies get whisked away to their new families while so many older children are left behind..... just as deserving of a family, but not wanted. We decided to stretch our age range then up to the age of 6 (knowing that could really mean we'd be matched with a 7, 8 or even 9 year old). Six is still not really all that old. There are lots of children older than this that are in need of homes that may never get matched. We chose to stop at that age because we felt capable of parenting up to about age 9.... beyond that we're getting close to puberty years and we're just not ready for that yet. There's a good possibility that after we have a little more experience under our belts we may be looking at another older child adoption... we'll see what happens!
Anyway, we set our limit at 6 years old and waited to see what would happen. We had no other restrictions on what type of referral we expected, trusting that God would match us with the right kids.
Less than a month after our paperwork was turned in we were matched with 2 girls, ages 2 1/2 and 6/7. We actually weren't referred these girls right away as the agency thought the older girl might be too old to fit our requirements. But we knew immediately that we were interested and waited (cautiously hopeful) that the agency would agree that we'd be a good match. We waited a whole week without telling anyone, waiting for the official word. What a tough week! When we finally got the call that we could let our guard down, that they thought we were a perfect match for the girls... well that secured them in our hearts forever. Thank goodness we got the OK because they were already settling into hearts pretty tightly.
So here we are!
We didn't expect to be matched with a referral so quickly, so now we are rushing around to prepare the house for 2 more girls! Since we didn't know the ages or gender to expect we really hadn't been able to prepare at all so now we're cleaning and painting and shopping.......
Some of our kind, generous friends are throwing us a "blog shower" which is just unbelievable. To receive so much support from our community of friends is overwhelming, amazing and such a blessing. We truly want to thank every one who has prayed for us, left us a kind word of encouragement or supported us in any way. What a wonderful surprise blessing this blog-world has been!
I can't wait until we can post a picture of all 5 of us!!

Attachment revisited

I went back and read this post that I wrote last year about attachment parenting:

Friday, March 23, 2007

Attachment Parenting

For those that are unfamiliar, attachment parenting is a method/idea/way of interacting with your child that is meant to promote a strong healthy bond between a child and her parent(s). Our social worker talked to us a lot about this during our homestudy, we had to read a book about it for our placement agency (and take a test!), and I have since read a lot of other articles and a few books on this concept. I am not, by any means, an expert on the topic. I've just been trying to learn what I can and apply it to our lives!
Although biological parent/child relationships can have attachment problems, it is much more of an issue with adopted children. These children have suffered great losses, experienced great change in every aspect of life, and are trying to make sense of the world. As parents, it is our job to help them develop a sense of security. Helping a child develop a strong sense of security at a young age is critical to their social, psychological and emotional development from now until forever!
I think people practice the attachment techniques to varying degrees. Some families don't let anyone else hold the new child for a year, co-sleep every night, and perform all aspects of care for the child. Some families don't do anything different with their adopted child than they would with a biological child.
I'm just curious as to how others are approaching this attachment issue. I was surprised to find that not everyone had studied about this. I met adopting parents in Guatemala talking about letting their young child 'cry it out,' or chastising their 8 month old for being 'lazy' for not holding his own bottle. According to the concepts of 'attachment parenting,' neither of these behaviors will help promote security and trust. I don't mean this discussion to criticize other parents, I've just been thinking a lot lately about what is right for us on this matter.
Here's what we've been doing:
- For the first 6 weeks only Matt or I changed diapers, fed her, put her to sleep, gave baths, etc.
Now, we are back to work and have to have a little help from friends and family for childcare. We try to limit this time as much as possible so that we are the ones doing the large majority of the care.
- We are lucky enough to have work schedules that allow oe of us to be with the baby most of the time. We only need childcare help 1 day (1 1/2 at the most) each week.
- We try to spend a lot of face to face and play time with the baby.
- I wear her (in a wrap) almost anytime we go out, and sometimes around the house as I do housework.
- We don't let her cry. As soon as she lets us know she is uncomfortable or unhappy, we soothe her and fix the problem. No 'crying it out' at this time.
- We try to stick to a regular routine. Even if we're out and about, naps and feedings are pretty consistent. We try to schedule things around naps. Nap/bedtime has a set routine each time.


We tried co-sleeping for 1 night - it didn't seem to work for us for a variety of reasons. And, she has been sleeping well in a crib since she came home. Although I understand the benefits of co-sleeping, we felt we were doing enough through the day that we could keep the nighttime routine ending in the crib.
A lot of friends and family have held this baby! We have such great support - everyone was dying to get to meet this girl. We do limit the time that others' hold her, and we always take her back immediately if she becomes fussy or seems uncomfortable.
I think things are going well. Eliana does great with her routine. She definitely knows us and loves to play with and be held by us. She seems to be more relaxed and comfortable every week.
I'm not sure why this has been on my mind so much lately. We're not having any problems, I'm not seeking advice on any particular anything. I guess I'm just worrying, as parents do, about whether what we're doing is enough. I'm not looking for reassurances, either. As I said, things seem to be going well. I'd just like to hear from some other adoptive and adopting parents on what they are doing/planning to do on this topic.
It's been a little frustrating to me lately that most non-adoptive parents don't understand the concept of attachment parenting. Why would they? It's one of those things that you wouldn't learn about unless it was affecting you. For me, though, this is something we will always be dealing with internally... and maybe externally by our behavior.... as we work to help our children feel secure and trusting of a family's love.

So.... what about you and your family?

I've been thinking about this stuff a lot lately. The ideas are the same with older children... but how they are put into practice may be a little different for some things. Matt and I feel ready for this challenge. We've done our homework and though it won't be easy at times, we know it's 100% worth the work.
In addition to the whole getting new parents thing, our girls will be dealing with a huge loss: loss of original family, country, culture, language... The frustrations they are likely to feel initially due to the language barrier and difficulty expressing their feelings and needs will also be very difficult. Imagine, just for a minute, the situation they will be in as they are whisked to this shiny, loud new country by their whiter-than-white new parents. It is so overwhelming and confusing just to think about it.... now imagine trying to cope with it as a 7 year old... or 2 year old!
I guess I wanted to revisit this topic for a couple of reasons. I'm curious as to what has/hasn't worked for other parents out there, especially those that have adopted older children. Also, I really want our friends and family to understand why we do what we do with our kids. There will be limited visitation initially. For how long - I don't know. For a long time we will be the only people that will feed our kids, give hugs, comfort them if their upset, hold them on our laps, etc. There won't be sleepovers at anyone else's home anytime soon, nor will Matt and I be able to go out alone for a while.
I think for a lot of people some of these things seem crazy. Everyone will want to let the girls know they love them. Everyone will want to get to know their new family members/friends. Sure, Matt and I might want a night out (maybe lots of nights out!). But for the first few months every decision we make has to be based on what will help build an attachment between us and our children. As the parents this is THE most important job we have - teaching them that the world is a safe, predictable place where there needs will be met by the people that will take care of them... their parents. Attachment between parents and children affects how a child learns, how they relate to other people, how they interpret the world. We have to take this seriously.

This style of parenting has worked great with Eliana so far. She is very well attached to both Matt and I and interacts with other people appropriately.

So, please, family and friends, bear with us. We have a big transition coming in the next few months that will take a lot of our time and energy. For a little while we may not be as accessible as usual, we may not return phone calls in a timely manner, and you may only see us in brief passings. But please know that we love you, we appreciate all of the support we have received SO much and just as soon as we can we will be thrilled to share our new family members with you.

We may do things a little differently ... but our family is a little different!
Thanks for understanding, or at least trying to understand.
If anyone is interested in attachment parenting, feel free to ask questions.
Imaginary friends: what's worked well for you as far as attachment techniques go?

Dot, dot, dot

No time = bullet points:

• Eliana is doing great. She has been extra snuggly and lovey this week (which is saying a lot as she's always a hug-bug). She's been eating like a champ - I think she heard us say that maybe she'll grow now that her procedure's been done so she's really working on it.
• We've been busily making plans and trying to get organized in preparation for the girls to come home. Someone suggested we post a list of things we need in case anyone has stuff they'd like to sell us cheap or hand over. I'll try to do that soon. Maybe tomorrow.
• We made up a little care package today to send over to the girls with another family traveling next week. They said they'd take pictures and video of the girls for us, too. yahoo! Making up their photo albums was really emotional for me. I just kept thinking that these pictures would be their first introduction to us, their parents, their new family.... how would we look to them? what are they thinking? what do they understand about this whole process?
• Matt and I have been exhausted lately. And very emotional. And kind of crazy. Between getting matched with the girls, Eliana's surgery this week and trying to start getting ready to be a family of 5 we just feel drained. Happy, and eager, and blessed, but worn-out nonetheless.
  

• We are going to have 3 girls! It is getting easier and easier for me to imagine spending time and playing with a 6/7 year old. I'm really getting excited about all of the fun things that go along with an older kid.

• Today I am thankful for my down comforter. It's calling me now.......
  

Here we are!

Eliana had her 'procedure' yesterday and did great!
We didn't think to take our camera, so we stole these from Tia.

This was about 3 hours after she got out of recovery

She was just really snuggly and sleepy all day. The cardiologist said everything went like it was supposed to and after 1 follow-up visit she probably won't need to see him ever again. Yay!
No more medicine. Yay!
I must say that Eliana was a champ.... she was brave, well behaved and just wonderful. Seems as though the day was tougher on Mom and Dad than it was on her.
This was taken this morning - she ran out of there! By the time she had breakfast, you couldn't even tell she'd had such a crazy day yesterday. She doesn't look or act sick or sore, just like her usual fun, playful self!
There is hardly even a mark where they inserted the catheter.... a few days from now there will be no evidence of the fact that she had a little heart surgery.
Thanks to our family who came to be with us yesterday and all of you who kept her in your thoughts and prayers.
Tonight I'm thankful for Dr G!

Now what?

We've had lots of questions, so I'll try to answer them here.

How did we get the call? Well, it was really a series of calls. See, we first learned about these girls LAST Friday, Dec 28th. We were interested right away, but with the weekend and then the holiday, we couldn't get the ball rolling until Wed. Then our SW was out sick. So really Thursday, Jan 3, and then Friday were the big days. We didn't know for sure if we would be matched with them until Friday. We thought we should have been referred them right away, but the agency feels that the older girl is older than 6, probably, 7 and so didn't know if we'd be interested as we had originally limited our upper age limit at 6. So we were pretty anxious and nervous and crazy all week, really. Especially because we didn't tell anyone about our interest. If things didn't work out we didn't want to have to tell friends and family about how disappointed we were, so we just kept it to ourselves until we knew for sure. It was a tense week. I kept telling myself not to get too excited, but it was really hard. I was so afraid of a terrible disappointment. Anyway, Thursday we found out that they would have the match meeting on Friday, but we didn't know at what time. Friday was a killer! I had to work, and I think I checked my cell phone every 5 minutes, hoping for a message. I think God wanted Matt and I to be together when the call came, though, because we didn't hear anything until after I was home with Matt and E.

Now what....
Our dossier and stuff goes to Ethiopia where it passes through 13 different government offices. The case then goes to court where things are finalized and we are named as their parents. Then we travel to go to the Embassy appointment and bring the girls home! I'm not sure if we'll know in advance when our court date is, or if we'll just be notified when we're out.... I'm not sure. I also don't have an estimate yet on when that date will be. I also don't know how long after that we travel.... see how well-informed I am? I really just haven't had a chance to get all these details down, yet. I'll look into that tonight.

In the meantime....
Wow do we have a lot to do! Since we didn't know if we were having girls or boys or what ages, we haven't been able to prepare anything! And our house is a wreck. And we haven't put away our Christmas stuff, yet. So, our list of things to do is LONG. Topmost on the list: prepare a small care package for the girls. There is a family going over next week that will take it to them for us (thank you!). Next on the list: Get the house in order (general) and put the Christmas stuff away. After that we'll move on to moving bedrooms, painting, decorating, acquiring clothes and stuff, packing for the trip, etc. Sounds like I'd better quit typing and get to work!

This week we are kind of short on time for household projects. I haven't mentioned it recently, but Eliana is having the procedure on Wednesday to repair the small hole between her pulmonary artery and aorta . It is a catheter-based procedure
that will require her to stay 1 night in the hospital. We're going down the night before (tomorrow) so we'll be right there bright and early wed morning. Say an extra prayer for my baby girl!

Do I really have to say what I'm grateful for today? I think you might have a guess...

Party of 5

Yesterday we got our official match with 2 sisters for Eliana!
They are 2 and 6 years old.
They are beautiful beyond belief.
We are all-around thrilled!!!!!!!!!


We first learned about them Dec 27th, but with the holidays and all it took until yesterday for the match meeting to take place. The agency said they think we are a perfect match!
What a tough week that was for us! We didn't want to say anything until we knew for sure, so we just kept it to ourselves and prayed A LOT!

The sad news for you all is that we can't post pictures on the internet until we go to court, which which won't be for at least another month.

We will travel to bring the girls home in 2-4 months!
Holy cow! Do you have any idea how much we have to do in that time!?!? I can feel a detailed list of lists forming in my head........



P.S. Happy Birthday Uncle Pat!!!!!